You went out with him. You had a great time. He had a great time (you know he did). You believed you finally met a guy who really got you. You clicked. And then, just as you felt sure you’d met the right man, he disappeared. He stopped calling. He stopped texting. He fell off the face of the earth. What happened? Who knows, but I want you to understand that this scenario happens to almost everybody at one time in their dating career. It’s baffling and frustrating. Men will notice.

But it probably has nothing to do with you. (Repeat: It probably has nothing to do with you.) Okay, some self-examination may be necessary. Did you say anything insulting? Did you text or take calls over dinner? Did you freak out when the guy used the decorative towels in your bathroom? (I know one woman who did. She couldn’t for the life of her understand why the guy made a hasty exit.) I’m guessing, though, that you did none of these things. Good riddance! Take back your confidence.

The guy’s disappearance had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. You have to stop obsessing about what went wrong. You must say to yourself, “A guy who vanishes without an explanation may be doing me a favor.” And you have to mean it. He may not be who he said he was. He may have had something to hide. Here’s what you won’t do: Text him. Try to bump into him. Drive past his house. Email him. Send him cards. Confidence makes you sure-footed and attractive.

Once you pull one of these stunts, you start to believe you’re desperate. Desperation will ooze from your pores. Men will pick up on it. You’ll attract fewer dates, and the ones you do attract will treat you like crap. Instead, tell yourself that if this guy wants to see you again, he’s going to be the one to make contact. And he’s going to have a plausible and reasonable explanation for going AWOL. Only then will you decide (very carefully) whether he’s even worth your time.